I just read a really interesting article today about a woman who is married to a man, but they live in separate apartments in NYC.
I have ALWAYS thought that if I were to ever get married some day, I would really quite like it if my husband and I could live in separate bedrooms. Even though that is the biggest sign to the outside world that that is a marriage on the rocks, I think it is a pretty darn nifty idea. That way you each can have your personal space and privacy, and it would seem like you were dating your spouse! The magic of seeing a beautiful woman all dressed up is that much diminished if the man had already seen her through the stages of putting on her make-up and stockings. Of course many many people would beg to differ, and might laud the intimacy of sharing your bedroom and bed with someone, but really, the thought of being able to maintain my private space, while still being able to be in a marriage is so attractive to me.
If you think about it, so much of the strife and quarrels in a marriage must come about because two different people are now living in such close and intimate proximity to one another. Having a roommate is already hard enough as it is. And that is with separate bedrooms. I find it a real struggle to come around to the idea of not only having to share an apartment with someone, but my own ROOM. When would I EVER have any privacy? Can people really love someone SO much that they want to share every waking, non-working moment with that person? After a long day at work, I love being able to come home to my Manhattan apartment, as small and cosy as it is, and curl up on the couch and watch an episode (or 4, since it is hard to stop at just one) of Friends, read a book in bed, enjoying the peace and quiet. Yes, I also imagine it might be really nice to have someone there in the living room to talk through my day, and then curl up against at night. Yet, when people ask about whether I would cohabitate with a guy before marriage, my immediate thought is "Why cramp my style before I absolutely have to?" It is as though to me, living with someone is the sacrifice I would have to make in order to get married. Rather than I am getting married in order so that I can live with someone for the rest of my life. I just don't see "moving in together" as the big exciting thing it is as portrayed to be on tv. I like having my own space, being able to do as I please in my home, to be as messy as I want to be and not have to worry about what the other person might think. And I do also wonder if there is any guy who could live with my messy habits. Although men in general are messier then women, given the law of opposites attracting, of course almost every guy I have ever dated has been neater than me. And even if I were to marry a messy type - that would be positively disastrous! It will be two messes combined into an even greater pile of monstrous mess! I can live with my own mess, but not that of another's. So if bedrooms were separate, at least we could keep some of our mess entirely separate from the other's.
Living in wholy separate apartments would probably not be ideal though. First of all it probably doesn't make much economic sense to have to maintain two living residences, and it's so much easier to have your husband fix things around the house when he's living right there, to enjoy a home-cooked meal together, and to talk about your day over coffee or wine at night when you are both under the same roof. If we lived apart, then it would REALLY be just like you were dating your husband rather than that you are married. In which case, why not just keep on dating? (unless for the sake of giving your children legitimacy in the eyes of the law and society) I therefore think the separate bedrooms idea is the perfect compromise for two people who love each other, yet still want to maintain their individual autonomy, which I have always thought to be really important in a relationship. But that's me, very protective of my individual sense of identity and personal space. Not everyone is so vigilant about that, so to each their own. Oh, and separate bedrooms would just do away with the whole problem of snoring. And mattress choices (some like it hard, some like it soft). And if two people's taste has to be accomodated in living together, hey, at least I get to do one room entirely the way I want it to be. And separate bedrooms of course doesn't mean the couple doesn't have sex. Don't couples have sex even when they live apart from one another?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Introduction
I suppose I should introduce myself a little bit first before launching into the first of what I hope to be a series of interesting musings. I am a female in my late twenties. I grew up in the country of Singapore, a tiny country island south of the border of Malaysia, often mistaken by Westerners to be a part of China, but it is indeed it's own country, and yes, we speak English there. I live in the United States now, and have so for about the past 8-9 years. Wow it is getting to be a decade that I have been in the US. The time has been interesting to say the least, and as the years go by, I figure perhaps I should memorialize my life experiences in a blog.
I have sometimes wondered why people bother writing blogs, and even more peculiar to me, why anyone would want to read them. I suppose people write blogs to share what is going on in their lives, and they have a ready audience (real or imaginary) that cannot shut them up. I always wondered who had the time to write and read such things, but I suppose it is like writing in a journal, although much less private. Do people with blogs also keep private journals in addition to their online musings? That would take up a lot of time no doubt. So then who READS these things? It seems to be quite a lot of time wasted reading about other people's musings and lives - but then again, why do we read novels and newspapers and columns, if it is not to get a sense, a greater understanding, of the lives and thoughts of someone other than oneself.
My purpose in writing a blog, is to get a sense of what it might be like to be a writer. I envy Carrie Bradshaw's character in Sex and the City. Someone who can just write for a living. At your own time, in the comfort and seclusion of your own apartment. Or you could make a trip down to a cozy coffee shop in the Village, with iMac in tow, and type away your thoughts. And then not only have a ready audience who will actually read what you wrote, but to get PAID for being able to talk about yourself or your thoughts everyday (or however frequent her columns were. I don't think that was made very apparent in the show). The other purpose is while talking to my father on the phone earlier today, and I happened to mention that my neighbors (I used the term loosely to mean people who live in the same neighborhood as me, not my direct next door same building neighbors) happened to include Sarah Jessica Parker of the above-mentioned television series fame, and Gwyneth Paltrow. An immediate neighbor who does live in the same building as I do is of "America's Funniest Home Videos" fame - he was a host on that television series, and now continues to work as an actor in the city. Oh, I live in the incomparable city of New York. Right smack in the heart of Manhattan, in the most desirable location in the city (in my slightly but not entirely biased opinion), the West Village. Sometimes when I walk around this charming neighborhood, I can't help but feel like all is well in my world, no matter what else is going on. I think "well, at LEAST I live in the most wonderful neighborhood in the world." So as I was saying, I was mentioning to my dad about my esteemed neighbors, and he casually says that if I were to share my experiences about living the New York life in a blog, there might actually be fellow Singaporeans who might be interested in reading about such a life, especially those who have the interest to live overseas but had never done so, or people who would just be curious about what life for a Singaporean girl in her 20s would be like in the Big Apple.
Given my one-of-many ambitions to be a writer someday, I thought this might be a decent way to start honing some writing skills. Spare me any critique about my writing though, this is a blog afterall, not a novel or column, and I don't have much of a sense of what my audience, if any, would be at this point. Is there a way to find out how many people have actually read your blog? I am sure there must be. And if NOBODY ends up reading my blog, would it have been a complete waste of time? Probably no more so tha writing in one's journal. Hence, I have decided to embark on this journey of blogging, and will see where it takes me. Given my track record of starting things and quitting soon after, I do not have high hopes of sustaining a passion for blogging for long, but one never knows. I haven't quit living yet, so that's one thing that has continued til now at least.
I have sometimes wondered why people bother writing blogs, and even more peculiar to me, why anyone would want to read them. I suppose people write blogs to share what is going on in their lives, and they have a ready audience (real or imaginary) that cannot shut them up. I always wondered who had the time to write and read such things, but I suppose it is like writing in a journal, although much less private. Do people with blogs also keep private journals in addition to their online musings? That would take up a lot of time no doubt. So then who READS these things? It seems to be quite a lot of time wasted reading about other people's musings and lives - but then again, why do we read novels and newspapers and columns, if it is not to get a sense, a greater understanding, of the lives and thoughts of someone other than oneself.
My purpose in writing a blog, is to get a sense of what it might be like to be a writer. I envy Carrie Bradshaw's character in Sex and the City. Someone who can just write for a living. At your own time, in the comfort and seclusion of your own apartment. Or you could make a trip down to a cozy coffee shop in the Village, with iMac in tow, and type away your thoughts. And then not only have a ready audience who will actually read what you wrote, but to get PAID for being able to talk about yourself or your thoughts everyday (or however frequent her columns were. I don't think that was made very apparent in the show). The other purpose is while talking to my father on the phone earlier today, and I happened to mention that my neighbors (I used the term loosely to mean people who live in the same neighborhood as me, not my direct next door same building neighbors) happened to include Sarah Jessica Parker of the above-mentioned television series fame, and Gwyneth Paltrow. An immediate neighbor who does live in the same building as I do is of "America's Funniest Home Videos" fame - he was a host on that television series, and now continues to work as an actor in the city. Oh, I live in the incomparable city of New York. Right smack in the heart of Manhattan, in the most desirable location in the city (in my slightly but not entirely biased opinion), the West Village. Sometimes when I walk around this charming neighborhood, I can't help but feel like all is well in my world, no matter what else is going on. I think "well, at LEAST I live in the most wonderful neighborhood in the world." So as I was saying, I was mentioning to my dad about my esteemed neighbors, and he casually says that if I were to share my experiences about living the New York life in a blog, there might actually be fellow Singaporeans who might be interested in reading about such a life, especially those who have the interest to live overseas but had never done so, or people who would just be curious about what life for a Singaporean girl in her 20s would be like in the Big Apple.
Given my one-of-many ambitions to be a writer someday, I thought this might be a decent way to start honing some writing skills. Spare me any critique about my writing though, this is a blog afterall, not a novel or column, and I don't have much of a sense of what my audience, if any, would be at this point. Is there a way to find out how many people have actually read your blog? I am sure there must be. And if NOBODY ends up reading my blog, would it have been a complete waste of time? Probably no more so tha writing in one's journal. Hence, I have decided to embark on this journey of blogging, and will see where it takes me. Given my track record of starting things and quitting soon after, I do not have high hopes of sustaining a passion for blogging for long, but one never knows. I haven't quit living yet, so that's one thing that has continued til now at least.
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